Ascuns ochilor


Nu stiu ce ma determina sa-mi ridic ochii din hartoagele care ma cam ingroapa in ultima perioada si imi las ochii mintii sa priveasca in trecut.

Este un lucru rar pe care il fac pentru ca stiu ca trecutul este deja trecut si rare sunt lucrurile care ar putea avea o oarecare similaritate in prezent sau in viitor. Sunt constienta ca nu as putea trai in trecut-as uita sa traiesc prezentul si ,astfel, sa ratez viitoarul. Trecutul este trecut si nu se prea mai intoarce chiar daca sunt rani si poveri pe care le porti cu tine mereu si la un moment dat, timpul va decide daca ranile se vor inchide, cojile se vor scutura si poverile isi vor pierde din greutate.

Constientizez ca Maicuta si Misha stiau ca la un moment dat vor lasa in urma munca lor. Toata munca lor fara a se mai implica in vreun fel altul decat un sfat sau o vorba buna in momente de restriste.

Misha fiind singur la parinti si ramas singur pe lume la un moment dat nu ar fi avut cui sa lase aceasta munca titanica, in timp ce Maicuta Moise nu prea a avut incredere in familia ei. O afirmatie destul de grava dar dansa ii cunoaste mai bine si mi-a dat de inteles ca acest aspect a aparut la un moment dat la orizont cand au inceput sa apara primii copii pe lume.

Intr-un fel de a spune, faptul ca pe unii ne-au dat in plasament temporar, in timp ce pe altii i-au oprit in sanul familiei, a fost un fel de experiment de-a vedea care dintre noi isi va forma caracterul in asa masura incat sa poata duce munca mai departe in asa fel incat sa nu se duca de rapa, ci sa fie mentiunta si dusa mai departe in pas cu vremurile si sa se perfectioneze. Pe langa caracter, a fost necesara si puterea de munca in asa fel incat sa existe puterea de ridicare dupa fiecare prabusire atat fizica, dar si psihica asa cum li s-a intamplat si lor de-a lungul anilor, mai ales cand s-a ajuns la a dat un raspuns intrebarii-care raman si care pleaca pentru a se intoarce. Si daca cei plecati nu vor mai dori sa se intoarca?

Daca vor judeca aceasta decizie?

Foarte multe intrebari care incep cu „daca” si prea putine raspunsuri, insa riscul si l-au asumat chiar daca cu inima stransa.

Familiile alese sa gazduiasca pe cei Plecati nu au fost studiate si luate prea la puricat. Dintre perechile de gemeni aduse pe lume doar eu, Sonia si Becca am fost despartite la putin timp dupa nastere.

Mi s-a intamplat de-a lungul anilor sa simt ca ceva lipseste sau ca exista cineva care poate sa imi completeza lipsurile oricare ar fi acelea.

Tin minte si acum ziua cand inca nu ne adunaseram toti copiii acasa. Ne-am adunat toti cei prezenti in aceeasi camera care da spre Cimintir si am fost pusi in fata faptului implinit: unul dintre noi trebuia sa le ia in primire munca lor de o viata si sa o duca mai departe. Biroul Maicutei unde ne mai sfatuim sau in care se tin sedinte cand suntem scosi la tabla, birou pe care nu il folosim niciunul dintre noi, ci a ramas asa cum l-a lasat Maicuta cand si-a lasat Mostenitorul cu hardughia in spinare. Se mentine curat, aerisit si se mai adauga cate o poza inramata cu cine stie ce „isparava” facuta de noi, pramatiile astea mici.

Am presimtit acest lucru la un moment dat si mi-am dat seama spre cine ar tinde aceasta afirmatie. Am stiut in acel moment catre cine se intorc gandurile si privirile la fel ca si in ziua in care, adunati in acelasi loc, am aflat ca ceea ce vedem in oglinda si aratam celor din jurul nostru este doar o masca, o masca de protectie pe care va trebui s-o mai purtam multi ani de acum incolo.

Si m-am intrebat de ce eu? Aceeasi intrebare mi-am pus-o de cateva ori de-a lungul anilor…pentru ca si deoarece nu au fost prima optiune de raspuns, insa ochiul Maicutei a fost mereu prezent asupra noastra chiar daca nu ajunsesem inca acasa sau eram plecati cine stie pe unde prin lume.

-De ce credeti voi ca acea persoana care va lua munca noastra asupra ei este cea mai potrivita? Caci da, este vorba de o copila, nu de un flacau, ne-a intrebat Maicuta. Stiu ca va deruteaza ceea ce afirm, insa as vrea sa aud mai intai de la voi. Meditati pentru o clipa-deja va cunoasteti, stiti cam ce poate fiecare in parte si as vrea sa stiu pe cine ati alege voi si de ce ar fi acea persoana, care poate coincide cu cea la care ne-am gandit noi, eu si tatal vostru, sau nu.

Imi aduc aminte ca inchis ochii si mi-au trecut prin fata ochilor momentul in care mi-am dat seama ca sunt diferita de colegii de la Gradi, de la scoala si ca nu ma pot atasa de nimeni din familie prea mult afara de Buni si de inca o verisoara acum plecata prin tari straine departe de familia ei. Mi-am adus aminte de momentul in care priveam Piramida Murgului Maicutei Moise si ma intrebam ce ar putea fi acolo, ce oameni traiesc dincolo de Portile Curtii si am realizat ca voi afla raspunsul la un moment dat. Nu trebuia sa-l aflu caci va veni singur la mine pornind de la mine.

Am revazut momentul in care, in tacerea si umbra noptii, mi-am vazut adevarata fata in reflectia geamului bibliotecii in camera in care locuiam in casa parintilor adoptivi, camera slab iluminata stradal, la etajul 7 al cladirii. Atunci am invatat ca tacerea si rabdarea fac mai mult decat o mie de cuvinte si am incercat sa gasesc o modalitate de-a ma feri de ochii parintilor care cu siguranta ar fi avut o reactie pe cat de violenta, pe atat de justificata. Si am inceput sa ma descopar singura si sa caut raspunsuri pe care nimeni din jurul meu, in acel moment, nu le-ar fi avut.

Si mi-am dat seama ca Piramida ma cheama acasa, dar inca nu venise momentul chiar daca deja invatasem sa zbor, invatasem Curtea Piramidei si incepusem sa imi formez o idee despre oamenii care traiesc in Piramida. Mi-am dat seama vazand-o pe Sonia cu Murgul ei ca suntem la fel. Chiar prinsesem curaj si intram in coltiosoarele mai izolate de unde puteam studia in tacere si puteam auzi franturi de discutii.

Sonia m-a intrebat la un moment dat cum de am fost singura de la aeroport in momentul intalnirii care nu a fost asa uimita sa constate ca mai are inca doua surori gemene picaturi de apa la asemanare. Nici acum nu stie raspunsul: pentru ca stiam de existenta ei, in timp ce de Becca aveam o idee caci am vazut-o prin ochii mintii, am vazut prin ochii ei.

In momentul plecarii din casa parintilor adoptivi am simtit cum mi se ia o piatra de pe inima, am stiut ca Maicuta este de un sange cu mine prin atitudine si diferenta enorma dintre dansa si oamenii care m-au crescut si ca totusi o parte din mine va ramane ingropata alaturi de cel care mi-a fost atat de drag timp de aproape 9 ani.

Si totusi, mi-am pastrat gandurile adanc tanuite in minte si in suflet ani la rand. Nu era momentul sa spun cu voce tare ceea ce gandesc. Franturi poate mi-au scapat insa nu stiu cata credibiliate poti da unui copil care face numai dracii, este foarte aerian si pare sa fie pus numai pe rele…cred ca asa ma pazeam la acea varsta, involuntar, de ochii celor din jurul meu.

A urmat plecarea spre New Jersey, unde am inceput sa prind curaj, sa fiu mai stapana pe mine si sa incep sa ma formez ca persoana. Cred ca a fost cel mai bun moment in care s-a produs aceasta schimbare in viata mea moment si in viata mult altora. Momentul in care am ales sa iau loc in tribunele salii de sport pentru a urmari selectiile pentru diferitele echipe sportive ale scolii, faptul ca am ales echipa de volei-o echipa pe cale de disparitie si fara prea multe rezultate in ultimul timp-a spus ceva la un moment dat. A urmat integrarea in noul mediu social, camera aleasa, modul in care mi-am aratat caracterul si felul de a fi in diferite situatii…multe dintre aceste situatii si caracterul dobandit a dat un raspuns tuturor in acea zi care i-au dat de inteles Maicutei destule si ca nu a gresit in a gandi in acest fel despre copiii dansei si ca riscul asumat cu multi ani in urma, a avut rezultatul dorit.

-Ei, v-ati gandit? As vrea si o oarecare justificare scurta daca se poate.

-Nadia? intreaba cu jumatatea de gura si cu ceva neincredere cel mai mic dintre frati la acea vreme, Danel.

-Serios?! scapa Misha. Asa afirmatii la doar trei anisori?

Maicuta ii face semn discret sa taca.

-Fratele vostru, desi inca mic, a facut o afirmatie. De ce credeti ca a facut-o in conditiile in care inca afla multe despre propria persoana si ne percepe pe toti ca pe niste persoane care le vede zilnic in jurul lui, in conditiie in care pe unii dintre voi ii vede toata ziua foarte rar.

-Pai, incepe Dally, eu cred ca are o perceptie mai aparte in cazul Nadiei. Ca adult care am vazut-o destul de rar in jurul meu pana de curand am avut-o si eu. De cand am inceput sa petrecem mai mult timp impreuna, pot zice ca nu-l condamn-are ceva ca un magnet care te atrage spre ea si cand incepi s-o cunosti, atat cat te lasa, iti dai seamna ca prin ceea ce face si putinele vorbe pe care le spune este un om aparte. Si stie de ce face sau spune un anume lucru.

-Un raspuns, altcineva?

-Stie sa se apropie de persoanele din jurul ei si sa fie ca ele? Sa se faca inteleasa si intelege cand este rost de stat sau nu. Stie cand sa vorbeasca si cand sa taca sau cand prezenta ei este utila sau cand sa se retraga?

-Nu-i rau, Filip.

-Are rabdare si ne ajuta la teme? Unde nu stie, asculta si invata chiar si de la cei mai mici, fara sa se simte jignita?

-Si asta o trebusoara, Andrei.

-Am putut observa ca a fost ce-a mai amarata dintre noi cand am ajuns in New Jersey, spune Becca. Familia in care a crescut, am impresia asta si acum, a facut-o sa fie ca o floare cu boboci care refuza sa se desfaca si sa lase florile in toata splendoare lor. Camera pe care a ales-o sa stea a fost una temuta, dar ea avut curajul sa stea acolo in conditiile in care colegele ei de camera avea de gand sa ceara o alta.

-Asta nu ar fi trebuit sa stiu, Becca?

-Nu e un secret, dar camera ajunsese sa para putin cam deprimanta cu un pat liber, mai mereu, Nadie. Ai adus multa lumina si mult suflet, iar asta am observat in timp, vazandu-le pe fete cum se schimba si se lumineaza si ele la fata, in comportament.

-Iar Nadia a stiut sa alunge temerile sumbre si nejustificate, a facut minuni si a ridicat multe lucruri marunte la rang de arta. Vreo luna a fost foarte retrasa si cam sperioasa, gandeste cu voce tare Sonia. Are puterea de-a ridica pe altii cand ea este prabusita la pamant, insufla liniste sufleteasca si alunga temerile cand in sufletul ei este furtuna sau lumea se prabuseste in jurul ei.

-Stie sa uneasca oameni, sa faca multe lucruri de nimic, se descurca cu ce are la indemana. A plecat la drum cu o mare lipsa de incredere in ea acoperita de multa durere, furie, ura si alte chichite adunate, poate prea multe, pentru un suflet prea mic de copil chinuit, adauga Iosif.

-La intoarecerea in tara, a stiut sa ne adune si sa ne aduca in stadiul in care ar trebui sa fie fratii si surorile in conditiile in care abia daca ne-am adunat acasa toti si am constatat ca suntem straini unii de altii cum nu ar trebui sa fim, insa aici nu a fost decizia noastra, deci nu sunt in masura sa critic sau sa comentez acest aspect.

-Tony, eu poate nu sunt asa sportiv ca voi si vin si eu din alta casa cu alta masa, dar am putut observa ca in momentul in care ea si-a format caracterul, a fost urmata de multi, iar asta atesta incredere, foarte multa incredere. Nu stiu de ce, dar voleiul este un sport pe care il urmaresc cu mare drag de mic copil. Stiu povestea tripletelor de la liceul Hudson din New Jersey, care au pus echipa scolii pe picioare, stiu povestea Nadiei din ringul de wrestling si oricate trucuri s-ar strecura, ea a dat cu sete si cu incredere. Aici, la Colegiu, am observat cata lume a urmat-o si asta iarasi spune ceva. Am mai observat ca a stiut sa aplaneze orgoliile inainte ca acestea sa apara si sa omogenizeze echilibrul intre cei vechi si cei noi veniti, incat a facut voleibalistele imposibil de descris incuvinte de temut si nu numai.

-Andrei are pe undeva dreptate. Chiar daca este un sportiv bun, un om apreciat pentru ca stie sa se adapteze, sa evite conflictele acolo unde se poate si nu numai, pus alte minuni, este genul de om care stie sa observe, sa vegheze si sa sa sprijine. Spun acest lucru deoarece stiti de relatia mea cu Mark. Ei bine, nu stiu cat sunteti voi de acord cu ea, insa fara Nadia, poate m-as fi ratacit si as fi ratat un om deosebit chiar daca in trecut a mai avut cate o relatie mai mult sau mai putin reusita.

-Sonia a atins un alt punct aici, constata Matia. Nadia vegheaza si lupta.

-Au fost momente in care am vazut-o cu epuizare efectiva in ochi. Am stiut ca nu mai poate mult si se va prabusi. Nu am vazut-o niciodata prabusita sub epuizare si poverile altora, dar am simtit multe vibrand in ea. Oare ce-am facut noi pentru ea in aceste momente?

-A facut cineva ceva vreodata pentru ea, cand am vazut ca nu mai poate, totusi nu isi permite sa se lase doborata pana nu duce la bun sfarsit ceea ce are de facut?

-Eu cu Becca am vazut-o o singura data in viata, Brigitta. A fost in perioada de adaptare si invatare pentru ceea ce plecasem initial in Jersey. S-a prabusit cam la un an distanta de la plecare din Romania, moment in care era deja iubita si temuta in acelasi timp. Ne-a ingrozit pe toti, ne-a speriat binisor si am inteles atunci ca nu o putem lasa mereu singura sa faca totul, fiind capabila de sacrificiul de sine pentru ca altora sa le fie bine si este in stare sa ia asupra ei totul daca acest lucru este benefic pentru cei din jur.

-Asadar, voi considerati ca Nadia este cea care ar trebui sa ia mostenirea noastra si sa o duca mai departe? intreaba Misha.

In acel moment se lasa tacere, raspunsul a fost dat si s-a constatat ca fiecare are motivele sale sa nu comenteze decizia batranilor daca aceasta este sora lor Nadia.

-Ne-am gandit ca Nadia este raspunsul vostru. Am studiat-o si noi. Daca sunt lucruri pe care le tine pentru ea, respectam acest lucru. Daca sunt lucruri doar de voi stiute, frateste, le respectam. Totusi, decizia voastra in ceea ce o priveste si in ceea ce priveste munca noastra, cred ca este unanima, pentru ca si noi tot la ea ne-am gandit.

-Am studiat-o si noi de-a lungul anilor si am vazut ca poate este la fel ca Whitestar al ei-un om de tractiune, care poate duce multe; cade si se ridica, face minuni din nimic, ridica lucruri mici la rang de arta si unde inalta la cel mai inalt punct mentiune sus printr-o lupta asidua doar de ea stiuta. Adesea tace si indura, tace si face si adevarul iese la iveala. Noi nu am invatat-o asa, ea este de fel asa. Este, intr-adevar, un om care se face iubit si temut in acelasi timp, cu o rabdare de fier, cu tenacitate si munca de la care nu se da in laturi. In momentul in care ati aflat culoarea albastra a sangelui vostru, ne-a zis doar atat-” nu am nevoie de a fi domnita suverana a tuturor, ci am nevoie sa traiesc printre ei si cu ei; dati domnia cui considerati voi” moment in care am luat in calcul pe Dally si Sonia. Sonia a dat un raspuns aproximativ la fel, iar Dally a luat Domnia Suverana a Casei Phoenix. Aici a aparut liberul arbitru, intervine Misha.

Au aparut atunci alte orizonturi si m-am intrebat ce-am facut sa merit lucrul acesta in conditiile in care nu stiu daca asa ceva era cam ceea ce mi-am dorit. Am invatat multe lucruri singura, din zbor sau cu putin ajutor. E adevarat ca uneori sunt cam autoritara insa imi este mai bine in teren decat inchis intre patru pereti si un tavan deasupra capului.

Multe astfel de momente mi-au venit in minte si mi s-au perindat prin fata ochilor, mai ales momentele dureroase, care efectiv mi-au sfasiat sulfetul, dar in care am avut puterea sa alin pe altii. O a doua persoana care a luat o bucatica din sufletul meu cu el se afla la Odihna acum si nu stiu cand se va trezi din Somn. La un moment dat sau va ramane adormit pentru totdeauna. Faptul ca i-am dat ani din viata mea benevol a spus si acest lucru ceva, insa nu stiu cati constientizeaza ce inseamna sa faci asa ceva.

-Traieste viata cu ce-ti ofera si nu plange. Stiu ca vei veghea asupra mea in anii lungi ai vietii tale, poate o eternitate, insa nu-ti sfasia sufletul! Multi sunt cei care te iubesc si-ti arata acest lucru fiecare in felul sau, chiar si printre cei care te considera un dusman de temut. Ti-ar duce lipsa si sunt cativa care s-au schimbat de-a lungul timpului. Stiu ca Buni ti-a luat copilaria cu el in momrmant, era la fel ca mine si sangele de Phoenix trage la Phoenix. A refuzat sa primeasca anii pe care ai fi fost in stare sa-i dai si lui asa cum mi-ai dat mie. Eu nu am avut puterea lui; stii bine viata pe care am dus-o si am fost privat secole, milenii poate de ceea ce mi-ai oferit tu inca din primele clipe ale vietii tale. Asta a fost slabiciunea mea, te-am iubit si respectat intotdeauna, poate aceasta a fost slabiciunea mea. Buni a refuzat sa-ti mai ia din anii cu care te-ai saracit.

-Nu stiu daca stiu sa traiasc fara voi…

-Invata, trebuie! Nu te poti stinge in floarea varstei. Esti inca tanara, chiar inca o copila in anii neamului nostru. Ai imbatranit si asa prea mult la numai 8 anisori, ai reusit sa dai sufletului tau puterea de-a merge mai departe de ceea ce te-ar fi dus la ofilire intre tineri de anii tai, nu te pot lua cu mine!

Si totusi, Paun a mai luat o bucatica din mine cand s-a intins pentru Odihna. Am refuzat sa privesc in viitor.

Stiu ca am darul premonitiei si pot vedea lucruri care se vor intampla la un moment dat in viitor, insa in ceea ce-l priveste nu vreau sa stiu. Mi-e teama ca nu voi putea sa merg mai departe daca stiu ca nu se mai trezeste nici el, asa cum am stiut cand Buni a fost luat de ambluanta si dus la Fundeni; atunci am stiut ca nu se va mai intoarce, ca viata lui a ajuns la Apus si stia si el acest lucru.

Ma scutur de ganduri caci telefonul imi suna si inca mai am destula treaba cu hartoagele. Stiu ca trebuie sa merg mai departe si poate ca ar trebui sa scot nasul mai mult la aer, caci m-am cam inchis in Curtea Piramidei si sunt ca un robotel. Pana si maratonul zilelor de nastere l-am cam sarit in ultima perioada si nu imi place acest lucru. Oare Maicuta si Misha au trecut si ei prin aceleasi sentimente si oarece renuntari? Sau inca nu am invatat eu sa ma organizez in asa fel incat sa fie bine?

Raspund la telefon, intr-un final.

Dasha este foarte hotarata sa isi ia verisoara de urechiuse si sa i le lungeasca deoarece este cam scumpa la vedere, iar cand o vede omul la fata, este mai obosita si mai mohorata ca o zi de toamna tarzie. Pana si Madalina este constienta ca oricat ar incerca sa ma ajute, nu reuseste si inca deja am inceput sa-i las trebusoare pe mana. Am ratat multe in ultima perioada.

Nu ma mai odihnesc in putinele momente de respiro.

Imi lipseste prea mult Paun si inca nu ma pot inpaca cu gandul.

Cineva mi-a zis ca ar trebui sa-i las pe cei dragi sa se odhineasca si stiu ca mi-a reusit la un moment dat sa ridic poltergeisturi multe in jurul meu, de care si nesuferitii Dementori se feresc intr-o oarecare masura. Nici ei nu se ating de mine, caci am prea multa durere in suflet, dar se lovesc de prea multa putere de a ma ridica. In cazul lor este simplu, pentru ca sunt propriul meu Patronus. Puterea de sacrificiu suprem benevol spune multe si nu pot lupta impotriva ei; curios lucru ca inca din momentul primei intalniri, asculta si se supun din proprie vointa.

De altfel, de acest aspect m-am mai lovit si la elfi, unde am avut de-a face cu specimene care au fost blestemati pe vremea lui Isildur, eliberati de Aragorn si la prima vizita in Rivendell dupa ce Elrond s-a asezat cu ai sai din nou in Pamantul de Mijloc, au venit pe cam nepusa masa…

-Sa ne fie cu iertare, lord Elrond, dar nu putem sta linistiti in Lumea celor Morti, cand cea care ne vegheaza linistea somnului de veci este in vizita la cel care a dat pe jumatate din el ca Lumii Muritoare a Omului sa-i fie bine. Ne scuzati, Conita, ca va deranjam, dar trebuia sa stim ca sunteti dumneavoastra.

Narsil a stralucit din nou si s-a incrucisat cu spada celui mort.

-Numai boroboate faceti!

-Domnita, desi am fost iertati de Aragorn dupa ce ne-am platit datoria fata de Isildur, faptul ca Narsil a stralucit din nou si stim ca este mostenita de drept prin legatura de sange chiar si legata prin alianta, vom veni benevol daca veti avea nevoie de ajutor.

-N-ati lasa voi o domnita la anaghie cu spatele nepazit, nu?

-Nu ca ar fi nevoie… ne orientam si noi, ce sa mai. Lasand gluma la o parte, pot spune ca multi care te-au cunoscut, Domnita, ne-au spus numai vorbe bune despre domnia ta. Te-am urmarit o vreme si ne-am convins. Cand ai pasit in Lumea Mortilor si chiar ai facut dreptate unde a fost nevoie, pot spune ca am simtit o legatura de sange foarte puternica. Ne-am platit datoria la Aragorn si am fost eliberati de blestemul lui Isildur, insa eu si oamenii mei iti vom fi alaturi mereu la nevoie fara a cere ceva la schimb.

Chiar daca mortii sunt morti, iar cei aflati la Somn se odihnesc fara perspectiva mortii sau a Trezirii la viata se afla la limita dintre cei vii si cei Morti, tu, Domnita, esti mult mai aproape de noi decat de cei vii.

-Stiu, Buni si Paun.

-Si pe cei care i-ai ingropat acum cativa ani, la cumpana dintre ani. Chiar daca au primit linistea ta, ei tot continua sa vegheze, alaturi de cei doi.

Tin minte ca s-a lasat si atunci un moment adanc de tacere care a facut mai mult decat o mie de cuvinte…

Mai arunc o privire peste ultimile hartoage pe care le mai am in fata-noroc ca am mereu castile cu mine si „sufar” de atentie distributiva. Imi eliberez masa de lucru, pun fiecare lucrusor la locul lui si ma hotarasc ca este cazul sa mai scot nasul la aer. Nu am uitat faptul ca am mai clacat odata si sunt constienta ca la acea vreme eram o copila plin de viata care isi intindea aripile care ii fusesera legate fara voia sa si isi cladea caracterul si fundatia pentru ceea ce o astepta la un moment dat in viitor

-Dasha, cand e ziua ta, ai? Ca pe Lupana cred ca am ratat-o oarecum asa…

-Nu, dar ce-ti veni pana la urma?

-Imi tii morala teoriei lu peste? Asa ma stii tu pe mine? Ca trebi serioase intreb in doi peri?

Se lasa un moment de liniste. La usa, Mada cu mezinii familiei in vizita. Dau telefonul pe speaker si intreb daca iese careva la un pahar de vorba. Atat a trebuit Dashei.

-Nadie, te las acu cu piticii pe creier putin si revin cu un telefon, ei?

-Merge si asa si te rog sa nu te iei de piticii mei pe creier ca nu mai apuci…cati ani faci anul acesta?

-Ma bucur ca te-ai decis sa mai iesi si tu putin la aer. Chiar iti ducem dorul sa stii. Stim ca ne esti alaturi, ca ai mai multa responsabilitate ca oricand insa cat mai poti trage in felul acesta?

Stiu ca amandoua au dreptate, prefer sa nu ii raspund si sa las totul in ordine pana a doua zi. Efectiv am nevoie de o pauza. In alte dati, Paun m-ar fi rupt de toate cele, insa azi au fost Dasha, Mada si prichindeii.

Cand mi-am facut aparitia, am putut citi o bucurie enorma pe chipurile tuturora, insa nimeni nu si-a putut ascunde umbra de ingrijorare din ochi. O clipa, imi studiez chipul in oglinda din livingul mare de la parter.

Le inteleg ingrijorarea-poate ar trebui sa mai alung din cearcanii negrii de sub ochi si pamantiul din obraji.

Ma simt un pic straina de cei prezenti chiar daca sunt cei ai casei.

Nici nu intru bine, ca deja telefonul incepe sa bazaie de la mesajele care par sa nu se mai opreasca. Raspund rabdatoare la toate ca abia ce-am intrat pe usa, fac un dus si vedem unde ne strangem. Se subintelege ca voi sta cateva clipe cu cei ai mei la povesti apoi ne strangem noi pe undeva.

-Cred ca vom face o plimbare de agrement calare, sugereaza Sonia, sosita de la grajduri de curand caci nu s-a schimbat inca.

-Nu-mi zice ca nazdravanul meu face iarasi pe nazurosul! Doar l-am dadacit destul azi…zic si io?!

-Ntz, nu! Cumintel foc as zice, desi cam dubios.

-Poi? Ce puneti voi la cale?

-Poi, nush, nimic?

-Madalina Maria Moise, ce te-ai vorbit matalauta cu Dasha c-o iesi si ea la lectie, acu?

-Nimic?!

O cred pe cuvant, stiu ca nu minte, dar Sonia simt ca imi ascunde ceva, dar nu insist pentru ca stiu ca voi mai face un drum oricum si stiu ca George si Nea Gheo ma asteapta pentru a doua vizita la Padocurile Vestice. Daca mi-am obisnuit cu narav murgul…stiu amandoi ca imi scot animalul de doua ori la plimbare, iar a doua plimbare poate fi la orice ora din noapte. Daca animalul lipseste in puterea noptii stiu ca eu sunt de vine, insa un mesaj sau chiar telefon de verificare nu strica niciodata. Uneori ne plimbam si stam la palavre pana la rasaritul soarelului calare.

Inainte de-a pleca, cu cei mai maricei dintre frati si surori, ma uit din pragul usii la Maicuta, Misha si mezinii familiei. Privesc din urma la cei cu care ies la o gura de aer proaspat, de relaxare si ma gandesc la cei care ne asteapta…simt ca am trait prea mult timp in negura si chiar am nevoie de puterea lor, a celor care mi-au fost alaturi atata timp, cu care mi-am petrecut anii adolescentei, anii maturitatii timpurii si am ajuns un adult in toata puterea cuvantului.

Simt nevoia sa imi las sufletul si mintea sa respire, sa traiesc din nou si exact asta intentionez sa fac!

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